That's it. I'm limiting my phone bills. My goal is to spend only $50 a month. This is fucking annoying. Bills, I mean. argh. Not on my allowance or blah blah, but still. Daddy's money = my money. Gah. I hate expensive life here.

I spent my first pay on printer. The reason is simple.

I have a lot in mind of what to buy. Though so, I won't be using pay money for those, I'll rely on my allowance. I'm saving for my trip, see. I'm so excited when the day actually arrives. I'd like to go to everywhere I could.

It was a fucking a long day, today. Even going up and down the stairs took up the energy as much as to build a mountain. I am very tired, very my man, very. Eventhough there werent many customers, I am still whacked. & please, when you go to a restaurant, you fucking speak english, you cheenas can just rot in your oblivion. & stop asking so many things, just have what's available.

amp; just when I thought I'm alone and was about to break down, God pulled me up. Workplace gave me fries, mudpie, bread and chicken. They even cracked me up about the whole august having boobs thats why he can eat with me. Mummy called. Elwen sent a bear. I'm going for a break from 8 to 16. Poppy baby is as warm as ever.& someone misses me, and he actually meant it. I love my colleagues (:

I told chi xiang that a pair of boys came . I drew the mighty pig and wrote " you took my heart away and turned me to prime ribs" besides it. Elwen talked to me in malay, and he sucked in it. & I want sarah's boot. Good night, I'm having my usual macaroni corn salad plus my green tea.Oh, I hope bro will stay longer. Thank you.

Studies gone to waste just like that. The first person who ordered corona from me had to repeat five times and ended up showing me the name. Oh well, there's always a second chance, I bet. Today was crazy. I didn't even had time to stand. I had to literally run to meet up expectations. I couldn't catch my breath, most of the times. Despite the tight schedule, my colleagues still spare times to answer my dumbfucked questions. Mamat even asked me five times if I was okay & covered up for me a lot of times. I couldn't ask for anyone better than Timothy. He's oh-so-sweet, would be sweeter if he starts replying my messages. The rest of the staffs are nice, very nice. Very cool.

I didn't find work today bad or the sort, though, cancelling the nagging Shaun gave me. Pluses to it, Hailey and brother visited today. I like. Very like. I didn't realise I was sweating until I was standing at the counter stacking up menus at 9:45. I hope they would give me off on next Saturday. Fat hope, but that's the only thing I asked.

After all that, at the end of the day, I'll get $24 by hook or crook & thank God, I have something to do so I don't have to worry myself about unimportant stuffs. For that, Thank you human beings .

Second was great. There wasn't an influx as great as yesterday but I managed. There were more talking between crews than me doing jobs. But tomorrow would be packed, so said. & I worked overtime for the first time in my life. How incredible was that? I hope the manager would give me more than 4 hours a day and morning shifts next week. I could only get five if I was to work 4 hours for 5 days a week. I got to do orders and key-ing in today. How productive.

First day was so first day, if you know what I mean.
Something more for $24.

So, everything is on, now. Polytechnic has accepted me & so is, the restaurant. This is definitely something exhilirating. Both work and school. Secondary days are over. No more teachers calling me to wake me up that Im off-track. I'm on my own, now.

This, I guess, just a part of growing up and old. We take chances, and blame nobody for the aftermath of our decision. Scary as it sounds,people say it'll be. Unless Life decides to cut me short, I will have to go through all these. People say; the best times in life come from those sufferings. I guess, I'll just have to make the best out of these. Can't say I ain't scared, because I'm petrified just thinking what tomorrow might bring.

I feel like I'm flying. I can just fall anytime if I trip & go on, if I know whats the procedure. But even superman falls down sometimes, but always gets on his feet anyway, because Life goes on, and life is too short to be lay on the ground. I love life, and the best of it, and the truest of it.

Today is half a step to a new. I bought my work pants. No backing out now, sistah. You people survived first day of work so why can't I. Besides, this is the only decent way to my own POSB card. So, this is pretty much of a hate it or love it state.

I can't wait for a lot of things. My lip-phone would be the prime, though. I can't wait for school, too, definitely. Alrighty,I'm being a bore to you people. Wait. Do you know that James my man is the mvp for his year? You bet your ass he is. That is why I love him.

The day was well-spent with lime-green laptop case on hand & jumper's watched. We need more siblings' day, please. I even got myself an adidas crush. Date was screwed, but oh well. Good bye.

Yooohoooo! I got a job I got a job I got a job! Maybe training, but still, it's like a ticket to hollywood. Freaking crazy how easy that was :D

People say, life is like a turning wheel. Sometimes you're up, and there are just days you're stepped down. There's nothing personal about this. But, at times, I got so low I started to question God's intention. & then, one said that God doesnt punish, He teaches. & so, I start to avail myself to all the education God trying to get me to swallow.

It's like POA,y'know. It's freaking hard to see where it connects at the end of the day. Most of the times, I could not even make it passed an hour to actually sit down and really listen to my teacher. All I wanted was for her to stuff it, and then I'll just talk to Zhang Ao. I never forced myself to understand, because there are other subjects to take care of. But, goddamned it, POA is essential to my future. The same thing as this. God knows I repeated the same mistake. twice. & you know why I did that? Because I didn't know, didn't learn from what's taught. & now, there are consequences for everything I do. I'm a grown-up,I gotta bear it to live, know.

But, guess what. I guess, you lose some you gain some. You could never guess how many people actually consoled me yesterday. I guess, I've been closing one's eye on their good sides. It makes me want to cry thinking how many nice people I have on my side, remembering I didn't talk to them much. It's crazy. fucking crazy, but I thanked God last night for giving me them.

Point of this shitty post. Boys sure come and go, but your friends stick with you. They hold you up high when you're down, and hug you close when you're high so you won't fall. & I'm really glad. really. especially my baby girls. thank you very much, this would go much more difficult if you guys weren't here. I love you (:

On a lighter note, I want to read Benazir Bhutto ! & you're a damned gay. & MY SHELVES IS DONE! it's pretty artistic in my own way, if you ask me.& I'm thrilled for the photoshoot that will involve blood!& later lepak session?& of course,to work! and school, too! haha. alright, I'm happy. bye (:

It's chinese new year, now. Times like these that I find it hard not to get stones up on my throat. I called my granddad a while ago. Everyone was there. You bet my ass, every single grandchildren he has were there. I am never much of a fan of my cousins of my daddy side. Despite the fact that not single one of them is hot, they are too haughty. But still, I would want to be there given a chance to. I would want to talk about shitty courses they are in, to eat food that's being voluntarily bought by 7 of my grands' children. Not so much on the red packet, really.

It's two in the morning, right now. I just want to know.
Why I don't mean anything to you anymore, right now?


No, please. Stop ignoring me.

No one's going to read this, so I might as well use this fully to my advantage; that is to satisfy my needs to rant. 'fore that, I'm fasting today. I fast not to get angry. Indonesia is a do-what-you-like country, you can fast on whatever shitty hell you'd like. & I'm bringing it till I'm old.

I have countless of pretty friends. Oh God, like really, the abundance of them can probably fight against zimbabwe by sweeping the soldiers off their feet just by a smile. Sometimes, some people are just born with those kind of faces and these kind of faces. When I was a little younger than this, I would get up and nag in front of the mirror. Trust me, I could probably score A1 star if there's a test about what I hate about myself. With a sheer naivety, I thought, pretty faces make the world go around.

As years passed by, the way I looked at the world faded away with the world's supply of oxygen. Just give me an awful lot of chick flicks movie and some real life incidents, and ta-da, who I am was made.

You see in televisions, in real life, even. Not quite much of a presentable girl could be turned to some swan princess, & you just need the right ingredients ; sugar, everything nice and no partaking of fats. that way, there's an increasing influx in the rate of good-looking girls in this whole, wide world. So, you might just be another blonde, another pretty face that people will get sick and tired of.

My point is. Some people might not have the looks half as presentable as you, but what they have inside might just outweigh everything you have on the outside. the whole lot of the magnificent inner beauty. & that, my friend, is more important than anything in the world.

What I'm trying to say is that. everyone has their own speciality. Something good to be proud of, something good that the other being doesn't have, or could not pull it off as magnificent as you do. It's just sometimes, your perspective is too blunted that you start geting maudlin about what you can't have, instead start really looking through yourself and find out that; you are special, in your own damned way.

You need to start loving yourself, first, before you actually are giving your love to another lives. People come and go, but you won't leave yourself.

righty you are. Tomorrow is finally CNY ! well, though just to say that my family are around, like the whole damned bunch of them, I wouldn't get passed 30 in total from the whole 30 of them. Because they are so stingy, they wash their undies once a week. well, just my luck, I guess. Morale of the story ? don't rely on anyone for your own life, unless your parents are filthy rich.

I've cleaned the house! yayyy ! For that, I got bruises all over. Someone was calling the house yesterday's morning, and then I was rushing to the bloody phone when I slipped and fell down flat on my face, and still was crawling my way to the bloody phone which hung up right before I picked it up. Now, the blood is clotting on my knees. bruises on my both legs. even my right arm is hurting. Jesus christ. who even calls people 10 in the morning? get a life.

I've decided to name my mp3, cikoko. & my phone, toban. I might just name my kid, astaga. You'll never know. okay joke, sunny and robert, respectively. ho ho ho. cinddy got a half day toda! yayyyy. tomorrow painting shelves lehhhh ! woahhhhh, damn excited lah seyy. hoho

Good day. & oh oh oh, I love baby poppy!

mmh. nuff said.
forgiveness is an attribute of the strong, the weak can never do.
Good bye. really, now.

I think I'm nuts. I think I don't have the damned brain to think what's right, what's priority and what life is all about. sure, I broke up with my boyfriend & my girlfriends are busy with some lives to live && I can't work because I don't want to chase targets/ having people ordering me around and just as my luck holds, daddy doesnt allow, so why not blame it on beloved daddy. Just by looking at the amount of words that are happening in my life might make me think that I'm seriously on a damned rollercoaster. But, just let me step out outside of my life for a while, now.

I have a house to be kept clean. I have two goddamned months to knock some senses into my head to not taking them for granted. I have a sister to babysit. Hold on, not just your average sister. It's the emotionally weak self-overrating hard-on-self clumsy sister. I need to take care of the house's spendings. I have poppy to love.

& all these while, what I've been doing was to mourn over what I could not have or lost instead of beautiful things that I have and am neglecting. that's it. I gotta grow up. start taking my own responsibility seriously, and to look at life at different perspectives. Right. good night (:

Morning my deah ! wooo, you believe? It's monday, already! woaaah !

I was browsing through people's bedrooms & then I noticed ;these people, they are good in something ( photography, sports, academically, dance, sewing). Okay, they may not be that good for they are thousand miles away from me, but still, they have a hobby. Come to think of it; what's my hobby, again? I'm not sure Im like good in something. hahaha. Academically, I don't really shine my way through. I suck in sports. I like looking at people's photography stuffs, but the photos I've taken are randomly taken moments from my motorola && it's not even good. I could do the mister bean dance with my friend laughing at me afterwards. I could'nt even sew my damned nametag nicely. You see? Prolly the thing I could be proud about is that I could whip out a 400-page book in 2 days. who couldn't?

Then again, I think to myself. I don't have to be good in something. People will just remember me as pita ( no pita the xx ) & I guess I could be happy about it. Success is not about what you achieve at the end of it, but what you've learnt along the way there. You dig? It means, when I die, I'll prolly be happy that , at least, I know how to do many stuffs. A lil bit of everything (:

Right. I'm gonna prepare breakfast & meet gi.

Riiight.

breakfasts for the week for moi ;

• tuna sandwich + scrambled egg + beans + green tea
• egg sandwich + a sausage + cheese + green tea
• canadian ! + green tea
• tuna omelet + beans + a chicken wing + green tea
• ham omelet + scrambled egg + kaya toast + green tea
• ham & cheese sanwich + beans + sausage + green tea

& My maid will arrive on saturday! end of misery! ha ha ha

Church was guuhh-reattt ((:

I pretty much did not have anything useful to do yesterday, so I've changed poppy's bedding. He kept on running around. It's like ; watch out, psycopath on the loose. Okay, sorry, I love you pop. So, I've decided to make/ buy a small cage for him to sleep on at night over in my room. Because his current cage (s) are taking too much spaces if I put it in my room. They will look kind of off. So then, I'll put small cage for poppy under the list. I'll prolly put it on my coffee table. ha ha.

I'll tidy up my room and closet, today. Or, maybe just one of them. they are really messy right now. & how long my maid been gone? Well. anyway. I have lots to do tomorrow. At least, my list said I have at least 5 stupid things to do. ha ha ha. I can't wait for the 7th! then I could eat pizza with 3 bottles of green tea whilepainting my damned shelves. wooohoooo! terrific !

I want to make a list of thousand books to read before I die. & I also would like to be a budding writer of a book called " key to happiness". You guys just watch out. Right. I'm sleepy, now. I slept at 3 yesterday. gee.

Good day.

One day, I'll wake up only to find that I've woken up in the most beautiful room I could eve possibly imagine. No, wait. You know what? Forget that. I think that my room is the best already. How could I possibly not? I'll find cindy just right smack a metre above me. I'll find the love of my life who likes to bite by the window, accompanied by eminem. I'll find jordan dunking just by the side of my door.& one day ? One day, I'll find photos of people who I dearly treasure on my closet's doors and not forgetting, my laptop sitting on my pink table. Screw rooms all over the world. My room is slammin' yo (:

Everything just happened so fast & I'm taking them all for granted. I'm right here in singapore while my buddies are back at my hometown flippin books for their universities' entrance exams. I got O done with, and got cambridge good. Dionne is attending some school whose canteen's benches I couldnt sit on. Adilah is working and getting some cold hard cash money from her sweat. Hailey is eighteen already and going cambodia soon. Cindy is going to serangoon garden and brother to canada. & my hair is finally way over my shoulder. You dig these? I couldn't.

Good night (:

Morning sunshine ! Things are pretty much reminding me of the O times. Y'know. Cooking for own breajfast, putting back things to places & whatnot. We're having tasteless fried rice & mcd for dinner, or maybe we'll tapao from serangoon central while we get my paint from there. & maybe, we'll pick up few things from NTUC. we're chilling out the fresh way, yoll (:

so click X if you don't want to read.

Right, it's still first of feb ! like what the hell. Can we fast-forward to the middle of the month so I can buy lots and lots of things? I want wellies!I also want some of those shades from cotton on! I want more and more organisers ( the one that dionne gave me is such a fucking lovely piece of art !!). I also want nail polishes, and more lipwears. I'm pretty much a sucker for cute covers, too. Right. So I guess, daiso it will be. ha ha.& another stupid thing to do before I die is to wear my high yellow wedges together with socks. It'll be the total shiznit, & I like looking shiznit hee hee. && also, to put on anime-like eyeliner! && colorful eyeshadow ! & I need more damned clothes. I need to go to inQbox. I need to go to clothes stores that do cheap thrills. Right. that was me being a bimbo. Please clap now for I could make a good bimbo. thank you.

I still need to buy pink and black paint, which is possibly tomorrow. & then wallpaper. & a $%^&$&#%# load of things. well. one step after another. I also have yet to live up to my new year's resolution to actually donate 50 each month to my china bank. But I certainly am living up to resolution number one.

One day, I'll be able to reminiscince things we done without any heartache
One day, I'll be able to blog-hop without feeling jealous
One day, I'll speak of you as my past
One day, I'll be able to sleep at night without having to check you out
One day, I won't blink an eye when you name's in the air
One day, I'll just stop caring. I'll just stop hoping. I'll just stop loving. I'll stop beating for you.

& today's the day. thank God (:
Life goes on, with many dates on. ha ha ha.

My ex-tutor said that you're dumb. He was like " how's the dumb guy?" Ahhhh, at least someone's on my side about you being dumb. Oh, you're so dumb. very dumb.

Hotcakes for breakfast certainly worth waking up early in the morning. Especially if you have not shower yourself, it'll be icing on cake. All that is good except it cost you more than your mum would cost you for a home-cooked breakfast .

I want to do bungee-jumping. I'd done some high elements when I was over at Bali. Yes, those tree-climbing, flying fox and the like. They definitely hurt my flabby arms in a nice way. All in all, I like the feeling of accomplishing such things. I'd want to go for another one and another one and another one.Okay, maybe another one. I would die for some diving, too. That, if I have conquered my fear of being in water. Right, I'm scared of water. Swimming pool was never a fancy idea for me since the age of 3 onwards. It's either because my brother always pulled my leg from below, or because I've watched too much movies on sharks.

Anyway, there's american idol, today. & I'm going to buy some paint at serangoon central on saturday. Yes, you hit the jackpot. My life is that boring. But hey, bright side? I'm taking chinese classes and I got money from breathing. 'sides, daddy doesnt allow moi. Of course, I could rebel but I was never much of a rebellious since I was born.I'll feel freaking guilty if I've skipped school 3 days in a row. I have personal trait towards parents and responsibility. I think for myself, I don't get people to think what a fine lifestyle is. & I listen to daddy the money-maker.

It's sunny outside, get a son.